I have found in life there is 3 people you need to be terrified of 1. cops 2 dentists 3 shrinks and 4 the tax man
If you can hide from these people, you will do just fine.
I try to see a Dentist on a regular basis every 5 to 20 years preferably but a severe toothache will normally get me in the chair.
Heres what happened last Saturday.
I entered the Dentists slaughter chamber at 10 am very shyly. Doctor Dianna looked at me, knowing my dilemma.
"Come on Dave sit down relax"
First I had to check the clinic out.
'Whats in the mini bar fridge Doc?'
She opened it just medications and stuff, nothing related to beers rum or anesthetics, very disappointing.
'Anything else before we get started?'
I checked all her instruments, all very sharp and dangerous stuff but clean.
'Ok Doc, Ill sit down if you give me a tank of laughing gas first.'
'We dont do that in Mexico Dave I told you that last time 2 years ago.'
I sat down very sadly in the chair.
'This wont hurt a bit" she said as I took a swig on my Bloody Mary, really helps chase down the 2 Valium I need to work with Docs like these.
"What you going to give me for anesthetics Doc?"
At this point she takes my big ziptie and ziplocks my left wrist to the chair.
"You dont need anesthetics Dave. You know youre the only patient I have to tie down to work on you."
" Im special Doc, are you sure you dont have laughing gas?"
She shakes her head and fires up an evil looking mini sandblaster thing that makes a terribile noise.
Then she picks up a long scalpel in her left hand.
"No way Doc, you put that thingie down!!"
She looks at me resigned. "Dave, I am just cleaning your teeth today"
" Not with that thing Doc, No way Hose"
She puts down the scalpel and comes at me with the mini sandblaster.
After 10 minutes I am sweating like crazy and she is sandblasting my mouth on the right side while on the left side a vacuum thing sucks and
gurgles and I am trying to figure out a quick way to get outa here...
and now she wants to have a conversation.
"are you still selling real estate Dave?"
"Uhha"
"How is the market doing?"
"UH..ehum ok"
She just keeps talking so I switch to sign language with my fingers. Then I try to meditate.
This kind of experience is very bad for the karma.
"So then I said to my husband we should move to Playa because you know there is so much crime in Mexico City..."
I pretend to be asleep.
The sandblaster thing not only screams it spews water all over the place.
I make her stop again and wipe my face with a paper towel.
"You see we give free showers with each visit".
Another 30 minutes pases. She attacks me with several nasty tools. I just keep quiet as she talks to somebody
and pretend to be asleep. Finally, she is done.
Actually, she did a great job at half the cost of Western clinics. She cuts the ziptie loose.
"You know Dave, I should take out 2 of your front teeth, I'll give you 5 injections so it doesnt hurt..."
I throw the money on the chair and do a sprint for the door.
"See you in 5 years Doc"
As I run thru the waiting room I hear 5 dentists laughing after me, they really seem to enjoy my sense of humor.